


Say It.

by babyunyun (taeilnism)



Series: Always you. [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Idiots in Love, Kunten, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 14:40:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeilnism/pseuds/babyunyun
Summary: Ten made many mistakes with Kun and after a car accident, everything changes in his life.





	Say It.

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language so probably have errors and i dont have a beta so thank you if you read.  
inspired in say it by wayv.

Kun had always thought that he would be the kind of ex-boyfriend good enough to live in harmony and continue as a friend, but it turns out that being that kind of ex from Ten was a lot harder than he thought. They were both great friends and terrible boyfriends, always having fights and insecurities but always relapsing after three or four glasses of drink. Neither of their friends got into their relationship or dared only give an opinion because they already knew they would hear endless complaints about how they preferred each other and that they were being betrayed by their own friends. Ten was like a hurricane in Kun's quiet life and he liked to have his life turned inside out by the short one. Every time he came into the house and didn't see his trail around the rooms, he felt sad, and at the same time he thanked him for not finding him there and getting some peace.

He was waiting for Ten at his house, the two of them going on a 4-hour trip to a nearby town to watch Sicheng's Chinese dance performance, trying to swallow his pride that looked like food stuck in the middle of his throat that refused to come down. The doorbell rang and he knew Ten had arrived.

''Kun!'' Ten knocked on the door calling for him and Kun just rolled his eyes and opened the door.

''I was coming to open.'' Kun waited for Ten to come in to close the door.

"I know," Ten replied, giving Kun an annoying smile. ''Let's go?''

''Yes let's go. Where are your things? Will you just take this backpack?'' Kun asked seeing the backpack on the back of Ten ''Let's spend the weekend and the holiday there.''

''I got your stuff and Hendery's so I don't have to worry.” Ten shrugged off to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Kun picked up his carry-on bag and carried it near the door.

"Why you keep talking to me and fiddling with my fridge like we're together" Kun muttered and Ten just glanced sideways at him.

"Maybe I want to go back with you," Ten said softly. "I think we should get some sandwiches to eat on the way, so I'm fiddling with your fridge."

"I've already made some tupperware ready for the bananas on the counter'' Kun shouted from the room closing the window and going to meet Ten ''Now let's go? It is already dark and I don't like to drive at night.''

Ten took the bowl and passed Kun and waited for him to get on the elevator together, he was eager to travel with his ex and now friend that he still had feelings, he drummed his fingers on the lid and feeling his heart racing. He knew that Kun was still not comfortable with him and knew that as the breakup of the relationship was troubled and probably Kun was giving him this ride just because Sicheng asked. They both fell silent all the way from the elevator to Kun's car and both of them with an anxiety attack knocking on the door.

"Are we going to spend the whole trip in silence?" Ten asked looking at Kun, noticing the locked jaw and hands holding the steering wheel so strong that he could see the veins bouncing.

''Yes.'' Kun answered without taking his eyes off the road.

''Kun...''

''We have nothing to talk about, Ten. What you want?'' Kun glanced at Ten. "We're already going to Sicheng's performance, so please, I don't want to talk."

''I want to go back with you, Kun. Why is everything so hard between the two of us?'' Ten spoke changing his voice a little and felt angry to see Kun laughing.

''What is difficult between us? I don't know, maybe your lies? Every time you run from me like the devil runs away from the cross? Or every time you come back to me like nothing happened and then do it all over again.'' Kun started talking nonstop and Ten was seething with anger for taking the blame for everything.

''You always blame me for everything and never look at yourself!'' Ten said loudly and hit the dashboard. ''I didn't lie to you...I just...''

"You chose someone else while we were together, Ten" Kun said with a lump in his throat ''You said in my face that you had fallen in love and three months later appears at my door crying why you were kicked. And then you did it again. How can I trust you again? Every time I open myself to you, I always get a stab in return.''

''I learned from all this, Kun. Will you ever be able to forgive me? Give me a chance?'' Ten spoke and looked at Kun and then everything was too fast.

He just heard Kun scream and the car started spinning several times, the air bag jumped in his face and he couldn't see if Kun's had been activated either. The car looked like it had come out of a ferris wheel, Ten was screaming for Kun and had no answer and his leg was stuck, upside down he was trying to see Kun by his side and when he saw the unconscious boy his heart stopped to imagine that he could is dead. And that was the last thing he saw, the image of Kun with his face behind the wheel all bloody as if dead.

X X X

Ten tried to open his eyes but was too heavy, heard only the murmurs around him and the noise of hospital devices, his head aching with images of an accident in which he was with Kun.

Kun.

His brain sent another command to his eyes to open them. He needed to see Kun. He needed to know if he was well and alive, wanted to make sure that nothing serious had happened to him since the image in his head was too horrible but how could he get to Kun felt his body weighing tons and his leg it hurt. Nothing was impossible for him. He managed to open his eyes and saw Hendery's faces sitting on the sofa in the corner of the wall and Sicheng's standing talking to the doctor and in a failed attempt to hear what they were talking about.

Hendery widened his eyes to see Ten was awake, then immediately grinned at Sicheng who also smiled with relief at seeing him too. His ear was ringing and so he couldn't hear what Hendery and Sicheng were saying, he closed his eyes trying to focus a little more and soon the voices of his friends were just distant. 

''Ten'' Hendery called him ''Can you hear us?''

Ten just nodded.

''He's still a little sedated, slowly his conscience is coming back.'' The doctor said looking at the dripping medication mixed with the serum ''Ten? Can you say anything?''

Kun

"Kun,'' he managed to say weak, his throat was dry and his body still heavy. He saw Hendery and Sicheng's expression change when he said the name Kun ''Kun...''

"He's fine" Hendery said as quickly as she could and got a warning look from Sicheng.

Ten knew they were lying but was unable to formulate another sentence aloud and went back to sleep.

The sound of Hendery and YangYang's laughter woke Ten up and this time his mind was clearer than the first time. Now he could better see how his condition was, where he was and could even scream for the two younger men to shut up, glanced at his right leg and stared.

''What...''

"Ten-ge" YangYang flashed him a smile that soon faded as he noticed Ten's gaze on his leg.

''My leg is full of iron, what happened?'' Ten tried to straighten up on the bed but failed due to his leg.

''You and Kun-ge had a car accident and...''

''I know that but my leg, look at my leg'' Ten pointed to the leg ''What happened?''

"You broke your knee leg down, well, i don't know explain how but they had to put on these irons to aid recovery," Hendery replied trying to be as friendly as possible.

Ten tried to remember how the accident happened and why Kun had caused it all but nothing came to mind at the moment, nothing but his right leg was looking like armor and would have sequelae somehow that would keep him from dancing. He felt his whole body tremble with anger and sadness and all the possible feelings of thinking of anything that might get him out of his dream, he wanted to go to the theater and be a star in a musical, couldn't believe he could stay away from the stage.

''Where's Kun? Is it all his fault” Ten asked, wiping the tears from his face.

''He's upstairs. Yukhei and XiaoJun are there, i mean, he cannot be visited inside the room.'' YangYang looked at Hendery and then at Ten.

''What?'' Ten asked looking at them both.

“He hit his head very hard, had surgery and hasn't woken up yet.'' Hendery answered biting his anxious lower lip. Ten felt the world spin and rested his head back on the pillow, the image of Kun with his head on the fully bloodied steering wheel haunted his mind and the fear of never seeing him awake again. ''Ten-ge?''

Ten looked at YangYang who had called him so formally by placing his hand in his in comfort. They knew that Ten still felt guilty for all the pain he had caused Kun before and that if something happened to him before they could get right, Ten would carry the pain for a long time. Ten wanted to blame Kun for the accident, wanted to go to his room and scream for him to wake up and confront him and say that he loved him more than anything. He loved him and was sorry to realize that in the most cruel, selfish and painful way.

''Okay. He will get out of this.'' Ten smiled weakly at the younger two and he really wanted and expected Kun to wake up.

X X X

Two weeks passed after the accident. Ten had been discharged but was still wearing his leg irons and sitting in the wheelchair, Kun had not woken up and the doctors just said it was a common coma due to the pressure his brain suffered but Ten knew there was something else and no one wanted to tell him. Sicheng returned home after the introductions were over, he was torn between paying attention to Ten and going to the hospital to see Kun even though he knew he could trust the other boys to help Ten. On the other hand, Ten tried his best not to bother anyone and always trying to crawl around in the house in a wheelchair even though the pain in his leg was unbearable, he wanted to prove to everyone and even Kun when he woke up that he was capable.

And finally that long-awaited day happened and what was supposed to be Ten's happiest day became his worst.

''Kun-ge woke up!'' YangYang entered hospital jumping with happiness ''I can't believe he escaped this''

''He is strong, I already knew'' Yukhei said laughing while pushing the chair of Ten that was silent but with the heart almost leaving the mouth.

By the time they climbed up to the floor Kun was relocated to, Ten was a nervous wreck and if he could run off he would for sure. He would review Kun after the accident and he would be fine, as he always wanted and not knowing if Kun would enjoy seeing him. The elevator doors opened and YangYang led the way while Yukhei was tasked with pushing Ten into the bedroom when they saw XiaoJun and Hendery outside the room with worried faces.

''What happened?'' Yukhei asked ''Why are you with this face? Where's Sicheng-ge?''

They both looked at Ten and Yukhei and motioned for them to enter the room. Yukhei pushed Ten into Kun's room and it seemed normal, Kun was talking to Sicheng and when he saw the presence of the other two he put his full attention on them.

''Kun-ge'' Yukhei went to him and put his hand on the elder's shoulder smiling ''You survived!''

Kun looked at Yukhei and smiled in agreement and then looked at Sicheng in confusion.

''This is Yukhei, your friend too.'' Sicheng replied and Yukhei looked at Sicheng confused and then at Kun. Ten watched the scene and didn't believe Kun had woken up but it wasn't himself.

''Kun, you...'' Yukhei began to speak but Sicheng put his hand on his shoulder and Yukhei stepped back giving room for Ten to approach. Kun looked at Ten curiously and not with the same hurt as usual.

''This is Ten, he was with you in the car.'' Sicheng said ''I think you need to talk.''

''Of course'' Kun answered and smiled at Sicheng who left carrying Yukhei. Kun waited for everyone to leave and close the bedroom door to talk to Ten. "I'm sorry for the accident. I don't remember much, only I dodged some animal and then I...''

''Okay. I just fractured my leg” Ten said and pointed to his right leg and grinned at Kun.

''Anyway, sorry. Sicheng told me that we were going to see his performance in the neighboring city and that we are friends.” Kun talked to Ten as calmly as for the first time and Ten wanted to cry.

''Don't you remember anything?'' Ten asked staring at Kun that even with his head bandaged and some bruises on his face and the obvious weight loss was still beautiful.

"I remember Sicheng, my parents, and my name is Kun. I'm at the last of astronomy college and give freshman lectures and monitoring.'' Kun pouted sideways and showed his dimple. "Sorry if I don't remember you yet, the doctor said the memories can come back over time so I can remember our friendship at any time or you can keep reminding me."

"I don't think you would want to remember me," Ten replied and Kun was confused but preferred not to ask anything. "I'm glad you woke up. I was worried.''

''Thank you. I hope your leg gets better fast and once again sorry for causing it to you.'' Kun said so calm and comforting that Ten just smiled since he could not speak or would start to cry.

Sicheng came in with the doctor, it was time for Kun's medications and Ten took the opportunity to ask some of the boys to get him out or he couldn't stand holding back his crying any longer. This time who pushed his chair to the hospital cafeteria was XiaoJun and as soon as he leaned his chair near the table, Ten began to cry as if he was melting in tears.

''Ten'' XiaoJun handed him a glass of water that he had no strength to hold.

He didn't want to say anything, crying seemed like the easiest way to put out all the pain he was feeling at that moment to see that Kun didn't remember him and even to receive that tender look again after so long. Ten wanted so badly to say everything and just to apologize for any damage done and to say that he loved him. No need to answer Kun back, he just wished he could say everything that was stuck or would drown in so many feelings.

He didn't know if he wanted Kun to remind him again why all the bad cargo would come along, but Ten didn't have the strength right now to make Kun fall in love with him, not with him stuck in that chair unable to walk because of his leg. He didn't even know what he wanted, and all that shaking was making his leg hurt.

''What happened?'' Sicheng appeared looking at Ten still crying, all red and teary-faced.

''He started crying and says nothing'' XiaoJun replied worried. Sicheng pulled a chair across from Ten and took his hand.

''XiaoJun, take the boys home. I take care of Ten and Kun, you already had a lot of excitement for today.'' Sicheng told XiaoJun that he just agreed and left the two older men together.

"It's all my fault," Ten said and looked at Sicheng who was all blurry in his vision. "I shouldn't have distracted him with talking about us, this is all my fault."

''It was a fatality, Ten, unfortunately accidents happen all the time. It's a temporary amnesia, he'll remember everything again.'' Sicheng took the glass of water and handed it to Ten, who nearly choked on his drink.

''I don't know if I want him to remember me but at the same time I want... I love Kun.'' Ten said and let out a breath and feeling the tears roll again. "I love him and I've hurt him several times that I don't deserve the chance I asked."

''He never stopped loving you. Only some hurts need to be overcome and he couldn't get over his own. Grudge only hurts our souls.'' - Sicheng replied ''Maybe you should slowly talk about your relationship, so that he can remember everything.''

"What if he hates me again?"

''It's Kun, he can't hate anyone.'' Sicheng smiled sympathetically and Ten felt calmer.

Ten didn't want to go to the hospital to see Kun for the next few days, even with everyone insisting, he wasn't ready to look at Kun again. Each time he came to his mind the tears kept coming back and that led to the stupid game that if he went to the hospital, he would lose to Kun. It was stupid, and he knew it, but it was easier if he were the irresponsible one to run away from his feelings for Kun as usual and maybe Kun really forgets him and so would be better off dealing with all the pain.

[* * *]

Ten's phone rang in the middle of the night and he answered the unknown number, it was a new phone Hendery bought him as his was lost on the day of the accident, and surprised by the voice on the other end of the line. It was Kun.

''_Ten?_'' Kun said waiting for Ten's answer.

"Kun," Ten replied drowsily.

''_I remember everything. I remember you._'' Kun said and sighed on the other end of the line. ''_Please come visit me_.''

''Kun, I...''

"_Ten, I'm having a headache right now and I really need to see you before they sedate me and I forget about everything again._"

"I can't walk," Ten said, half gruffly. "I'll call Hendery, okay? Can you wait a few minutes for me?''

''_Yes.._.'' Kun's answer was heavy and tired. Ten dropped the call with Kun and called Hendery who answered on the second ring, saying that he was still awake playing video games with YangYang and that in 3 minutes he would be picking up Ten to take him to the hospital.

Hendery was pushing Ten's chair through the hospital corridors like riding a video game cart. Sicheng was waiting outside Kun's room when he saw Hendery and Ten approaching.

"He keeps saying he wants to talk to you. He has already cursed all the nurses who tried to sedate him because of the headache,” Sicheng said and massaged his temples.“I think I'm going for a pain medicine, too.''

Ten glanced at Hendery who opened the bedroom door and he pushed his chair in himself.

''Take Sicheng to eat something and go take some medicine.'' He spoke softly in Hendery's ear, which he just nodded.

Kun was lying with his eyes closed, some tears running down his eyes and Ten knew it was from the pain he was feeling, the bruises on his face were now yellowish and he seemed to have gained weight and somehow it comforted his heart. 

''Kun?'' Ten pushed his chair closer to Kun's bed and placed his hand over his. Kun's eyes opened and he turned his head slowly to look at Ten.

''You came.'' He said interlacing his fingers with Ten's. ''Sorry about that.''

"I must apologize for everything." Ten felt the tears begin to fall ''Sorry not to come visit you more often. Sorry I was responsible for all your pain...''

''I forgive you, Ten. I don't want to...'' Kun closed his eyes feeling a twinge in his head ''I don't want to brood over the pain of our past... I just wanted to see your face, hear your voice''

''I'm here, Kun. No need to talk too much, I'll stay here with you.'' Ten kissed Kun's fingers and smiled at him. "When you wake up, I'll be here. Please rest.''

Ten saw Kun close his eyes and then the nurse came in to apply the medication. He should be relieved that Kun remembered everything, wanting to see Ten, and saying he didn't want to keep feeling all that past hurt but Ten felt something was not going well and felt anguish in his chest.

"Sir, you must withdraw so that Mr. Qian can rest." The nurse said and Ten agreed by moving his chair and going out of the room. It looked like he was leaving Kun forever after the nurse closed the bedroom door and that was the worst feeling he could ever feel. He looked around and saw neither Hendery nor Sicheng down the corridors, then leaned his chair near the bedroom door where he could not disturb anyone and closed his eyes trying to doze so that the hours passed faster.

Ten woke up with Hendery shaking his startled shoulder and looked at Sicheng with his hand over his mouth crying. There were doctors inside Kun's room with resuscitation devices and a lifeless Kun lying in bed. Hendery had dragged Ten's chair close to Sicheng so the doctors had room to leave.

''What happened?'' Ten asked trying to get up, he did not care if his leg would tear or if the irons would break something, he wanted to see Kun.

''He had a seizure while sleeping... They are trying to revive him... Three times'' Sicheng replied crying and Ten felt all the strength of his body leaving. He couldn't do that, Kun couldn't die.

Three more minutes passed in pure agony and as the doctors left Kun's room and looked at the three outside.

''I'm so sorry. He did not resist.'' One of the doctors who accompanied Kun from day one said and all three were paralyzed. Kun had not resisted. He had died.

**[8 months later]**

Ten was back in the hospital to remove the irons from his leg and put the cast on. Now he was a wheelchair free man and a fan of crutches, halfway to freedom. That day he had no one to be his babysitter and he knew the reason. It was the day of giving Kun's things, after eight months that he had died, Kun's parents decided to leave it to their son's friends what to do with the things he had left since the coexistence with them was greater. Ten stopped at the bus stop, thinking about how things happened so quickly in no time. Nine months ago he was with Kun, smiling and sharing a packet of salt caramel potatoes and Coke, fighting or even getting Kun's sweet kisses, and from now on he would have nothing more than the memory.

Sicheng said Ten didn't have to feel pressured to go to Kun's apartment to help organize things even though everyone was still sad and with the mourning present, he understood that the weight of being the last person Kun talked to was still present on Ten's shoulders, he could decide whether to show up there or not. Ten felt the breeze of that spring day on his face and Kun's scent invaded his sense of smell. The sweet and soothing scent. Somehow Kun was by his side and he knew it, he felt it, knowing that Kun forgave him for everything before he went helped him move on. Nothing would be as before but he would have the best memories of his great love in his heart forever.

''I love you, Qian Kun.'' Ten murmured looking at the sky and the perfume intensified and he smiled. ''I know.''

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/kuncat) or [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/yunyangs) <3


End file.
